Friday, January 2, 2015


Ego vs Confidence

Ego vs. Confidence... Do You Know the Difference?

Do you know the difference between ego and confidence? It is amazing how many people confuse the two. One of those differences is we all have an ego, but not everyone has confidence.

Egos vary from person to person. Some have egos as fragile as an eggshell where others egos are so inflated that they can barely make it through a door way. For some people, ego is a protection mechanism used to hide weaknesses and insecurities. Ego is our projection of our false-self. Ego allows us to show others an outward appearance of confidence that is usually not there.

We have all met the person who is good at something, usually better than his peers at that something, and has to make sure that everyone around knows it. Ego tells that person that he has to project his superiority in order to convince everyone else that he might be superior at everything. That is the defense mechanism. That projection of superiority is quite likely covering up for multiple insecurities in other areas. Ego is trying to attract the focus away from those insecurities to the one thing the person is truly good at doing. 

Ego tends to make us reject the opinions of others, which is counter productive to personal development. Ego closes our minds and obstructs our vision so that we cannot see anything other than our own ideas. Deepak Chopra, a well known spiritual leader, has written – “The ego relies on the familiar. It is reluctant to experience the unknown, which is the very essence of life.” This means that ego will not usually let us stray from our comfort zones. Again, that is the protection mechanism at work. If we stray from our comfort zone, we may find that we are not as superior as we want others to believe.

Ego is an unhealthy attachment to ourselves. We let ego persist because we so deeply attach ourselves with our ideas that it leads us to resentment. We resent any thought of allowing our idea inferior to another. Because of this resentment, we show negative emotions while facing an opposing opinion. We argue, become angry and even try to intimidate others in order to make our idea stand out. We are so attached to our idea that we just cannot allow it to be second to someone else’s idea. People with true confidence do not have that problem.

People with confidence in themselves tend to be more reserved, more humble, and are open to the ideas of others. People with confidence let their work or their actions speak for themselves. They have no need to outwardly try to convince others that their way is better. People with confidence are not afraid to step out of their comfort zone, because that confidence assures them that they will adequately perform whatever task or duty is placed before them. People with confidence know that they will be "Okay" no matter what opposition they may face.

When we are confident against an opposing opinion, we then have self respect. In this situation we respect our own opinion while giving importance to other opinion as well. We are confident that we can allow the opposing opinion and still rise to the occasion. But when we have ego then we become insecure and scared. We allow our fear of what other people think of us take over. That protection mechanism kicks in to cover our weaknesses. We withdraw into a shell thus not respecting other’s point of view. Ego leads us to argument, anger and ultimately to pain and hurt. However, confidence leads us to stability and peace.

So how do we let go of ego and increase confidence?

First we must remember that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are reflections of our inner-selves. If we notice ourselves being egotistical, we need to reevaluate our true feelings. If we find that we are covering for a hidden insecurity, we must take steps to strengthen that particular area of our inner-self. We must let go of our attachment to our own opinion. That is not to say that we no longer respect our own opinion. We must still do that, but it means that we open our mind to the possibilities. We open our hearts to finding the courage to step outside of our comfort zones. When we do that, we transcend our ego and may just find a new confidence that we did not have before.

Second we must remember that, no matter the depth of our abilities, an ego inflated to the level of arrogance breeds disrespect. Disrespect has a low vibration and will attract more low vibrating things into your life. Disrespect will cause you to attract enemies who will be more than tempted to show you that you are not as good as you think you are. Disrespect will attract drama. 

If you radiate confidence in your abilities, there is no need to announce it to the whole world. If you are truly as good as you think you are, the world will see it on their own. They will resonate with it because your confidence will bring them peace. Confidence vibrates on a much higher frequency than ego. Your confidence will attract like-minded people, and people who are trying to reach your vibration. This is truly something to be admired and a goal worthy of attaining.

Happy Aligning!

Joe Vulgamore PCP, CBI is a Life Coach and Author of the self-help book "Alignment - Law of Attraction and the Seven Universal Laws" He is a Certified Basic Instructor (CBI) who has trained with and worked hand-in-hand with mental health practitioners while employed with the State of Texas. Joe is also a member of the International Association of Professional Life Coaches (IAPLC).

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