Saturday, December 6, 2014


Life Coach Joe Vulgamore Speaks on Forgiveness

Forgiveness Makes Room for Happiness

For many of us, there is no greater frustration than dealing with family, friends, and loved ones. Family and loved ones have ways of hurting us the deepest, and we hurt them just as deeply.

How many times have you prepared to visit family and, as time grows closer, you feel your anxiety levels rise? It happens to all of us at some point in time. We feel anxiety about our mothers and knowing that they will criticize everything we do. We feel anxiety with our fathers knowing that, in their eyes, we haven't lived up to expectations. We feel anxiety when our children visit because they haven't lived up to our expectations. We feel anxiety when visiting siblings because of old rivalries and their family drama. The list goes on and on.

For some families, this has caused rifts so deep that they refuse to see us... or we refuse to see them. Some refuse to let their parents see their grandchildren. Some refuse to see their own children. These feelings of anxiety usually exist because of a perceived wrongdoing that happened in the past. A wrongdoing that has never been forgiven by one party or the other. These are powerful feelings because for many, family ties bind them tightly. Cultural influences can have varying degrees of how families are bound and this creates resistance. It creates discord in our lives. It creates feelings of unworthiness or disappointment. Yes, conflicts with family can affect us to our core. It can make us "soul-sick". 

In order for us to be at peace with family members, we must first learn to be at peace with ourselves. We must learn to be at peace with these perceived wrongdoings, no matter who we believe is the one in the wrong. If we do not find peace with ourselves, we will never attain the vibrational frequencies necessary to manifest our desires. The key to finding peace with yourself is forgiveness. Forgiveness of your loved ones, and forgiveness of yourself. It makes no difference if your loved ones forgive you. You cannot control their actions or reactions. You cannot affect their free will. So your only choice... your only recourse is to forgive them and/or yourself.

This is often easier said than done because of one simple factor... Ego. When we begin the journey of forgiveness we must let go of ego. Ego can and often does prevent us from seeing our own flaws. It often prevents us from seeing that we might be the ones who are "wrong". Ego often prevents us from forgiving others because we see ourselves as superior and stubbornly hold on to the thought of "How could they do this to me?".

This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain other relationships, distract us from work and other important things, make us hesitant to open up to new ideas, things, and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens. As that cycle of anger and hurt perpetuates, it gets harder and harder to let go.

Forgiveness does not mean you erase the past. It doesn't mean you forget what has happened. It doesn't even mean the other person will change his or her behavior. All it means is that you are letting go of the anger and pain, and moving on to a better place. If moving on to a better place means that a loved one vibrates out of your life, then so be it. It is only your fears that make that a "bad" thing. Remember, you can change fear to a consequence by acceptance. Acceptance of the possibility that it could happen.

There are two sides to this coin called 'forgiveness'. One is forgiving others of a perceived wrongdoing. The other is forgiving yourself. I am going to give you some ideas about how to do that, from both sides of the coin.

How to forgive others

1. Commit to Letting Go - You must make a commitment, a true commitment, to letting go of your pain. You must make this commitment with the acceptance of the idea that the person may vibrate out of your life completely. You must make this commitment with the knowledge that this is for your benefit, and yours alone. You must also understand that this act of "Letting Go" will not usually happen overnight. The perceived wrongdoing has festered for a long time and will take some time to fade. But the act of making the commitment will give some relief right away.

2. Realize You have a Choice - You cannot control the actions of others, and you should not try. Trying to affect the free will of others is fruitless and will only cause you to spiral downward when your attempts fail. You can control your actions and thoughts. This is where you must place your focus You can stop reliving the pain and move on. You have this power. You are the most powerful being in your personal universe.

3. Empathy - Try to see the loved one's point of view. Remember that the way people react to you is a mirror of you inner-self. Try to humble yourself... try to let go of ego and see that your actions or inactions may be the cause for the rift. This is not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary.

4. Have Compassion -  Forgive the loved one and realize that by forgiving them of the perceived wrongdoing, you are allowing yourself to be happy and move on. Feel empathy for the person. Visualize happiness for them. Let love for them, and life in general, grow in your heart.

5. Focus on the Present -  Recognize and accept that the past is over. It is not happening now, except in your mind. And that causes problems, unhappiness, and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. Focus on what are you doing now. Focus on the joy can you find in the present moment. Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past.

6. Allow Inner Peace - Release the pain of the past. Let peace enter your life. And go forward, no longer thinking of the past, but of peace and the present.

How to Forgive Yourself

1. Accept Yourself - Remind yourself that you are a pure bright spirit, a perfect being. You are the Universe, a part of it, and it a part of you. Remind yourself that every event in your life has been for your complete and total benefit so that you can gain strength, wisdom, and understanding.

2. See the Good in Yourself - Remember that mistakes do not make you a bad person. Remember that it is okay to have different opinions and beliefs than your loved ones.

3. Let Go of the Expectations of Others - Remind yourself that your life's journey is yours to walk and no one else's. Remember that what others expect from you has no true consequence in your life other than what you allow it to have. Remind yourself that what others think of you and your actions is unimportant. The only thing that is important is that you hold on to your beliefs and let others hold on to theirs... there is no "right or wrong".

4. Stop Punishing Yourself -  Recognize and accept that the past is over. It is not happening now, except in your mind. And that causes problems, unhappiness, and stress. Instead, bring your focus back to the present moment. Focus on what are you doing now. Focus on the joy can you find in the present moment. Find the joy in life now, as it happens, and stop reliving the past.

5. See Forgiveness as a Journey, not a Destination - Forgive yourself in gradual stages. Learn from the past, but do not live there. Take the lessons and move forward with confidence in knowing that you are closer to your "Perfect Self". 

When you can forgive yourself and others, the happiness in your life will increase immeasurably. Do it for your own sake.

Stay Zen!

Joe Vulgamore CHT is is a Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, and Holistic Healer. He is author of the Best-selling book "Alignment- Law of Attraction and the Seven Universal Laws" and "Powerful Powerful You - Understanding Your Power". For almost 30 years, Joe has helped thousands of people from over 14 countries, across 5 continents, to make life-transformations through one-to-one coaching, books, and workshops.

No comments:

Post a Comment